Thursday, September 09, 2004

I must've been really lucky before

It happened almost exactly three weeks ago. Having just finished a satisfying Chinese Buffet lunch, I grudgingly tore into my fortune cookie.

(Quick background: Ever since I was young, I have always received unconscionably bad fortunes from fortune cookies. Someday I'll use this venue to explore this malady more deeply, but for whatever reason, my fortunes are always either incomprehensible or of eerily dubious meaning. Now back to the story...)

I read my little slip of paper aloud to Max, who knows of my disorder involving ambiguous fortunes.

Your luck is about to change.

Great, I thought. Here we go again. Either Ed McMahon is going to meet me at my apartment with a giant cardboard check, or I'm going to be impaled by some sort of blunt object on the way back to work. I put it out of my mind.

Then people around me started dying. Literally. In the last three weeks, no fewer than NINE people from whom I am separated by less than 2 degrees have passed away. NINE TIMES. Are you kidding me? Heed this warning-- if you know me, or if someone you know knows me, STAY HOME. Don't even leave your bed. Unless you think you might die in bed, then definitely LEAVE YOUR BED. LEAVE THE COUNTRY. Do SOMETHING, before my evil unintended wrath catches up to you.

And to top it all off, I'm not even going to be able to watch the Titans this weekend because of a Russian Hurricane and a Chinese Fortune. I hate Communists.


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