Friday, November 05, 2004

Upon the Silver Anniversary of My Birth, and the Twilight of My Youth

In two days I'll be twenty-five years old. That sucks for a variety of reasons. But anyway, I thought now would be a good time to take stock of how my current existence compares to how I predicted my life at 25 would be when I was ten years old:

Married? Nope.

Kids? Nope. And if they're hiding in the apple of my eye, I'll be consulting an ocular surgeon about having that particular apple extricated.

Successful, lucrative career as an engineer? Not so much. For some reason, when I was little I thought I'd be an engineer. It just sounded cool, I guess. It also would've allowed me to design cars that morphed into other things and drove on vertical walls like they did on MASK.

(click "Read More" to continue...)

Really nice house? At least my one-bedroom apartment is in a decent neighborhood.

Abundant, almost obnoxious wealth? This is the one that hurts the most.

Driving the Ferrari Testa Rossa that was on the cover of my Trapper Keeper? Nope. And I'm just as surprised as anyone about this. But, I figure as soon as I run my 1990 Camry into the ground, I'll begin look more seriously at snooty Italian sports cars.

I wonder how ten-year-old Harberboy would react if I took him aside and told him the details of what 25 is really like:

Well, little buddy, at 25, you spend the majority of your time working in a relatively mindless job that allows for endless Internet surfing and blogging. At night, you go home to your one-bedroom apartment and call the few friends you have left, since they all spread out around the country after college. If you're girlfriend's busy, you spend most of the evening eating the pizza you didn't finish last night, deciding what you're going to TiVo for the next few weeks, and strategizing how you can maximize the amount of football you watch while minimizing her anger at you. If she's not busy, the two of you spend ninety minutes deciding where to eat dinner, then inevitably end up at one of the same four restaurants you always go to. Hopefully, the two of you have enough energy to spend some quality time together after dinner (which ends at 10pm because you spent so long deciding where to go), but odds are that you're both tired from "working" all day. Bedtime!

But hey, there's always the weekend, right? You get to spend at least some time playing TMNT or Home Run Derby, right?

Oh, that's cute. You'd think so, but now that you spend 50 hours a week at work, you have to use your weekend time for things like cleaning your bathroom.

Huh?

Okay, so I don't clean my bathroom. But I spend at least three hours a weekend watching ESPN and mumbling, "I really need to clean my bathroom." When I get over that, I realize that I need to go to the grocery store (must be out of Double-Stuf Oreos and juice), the bank, the post office, the mall (to buy something like slacks), or some other unfortunate errand.

So when do you have time to take your Ferrari for a spin?

Exactly.

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Factor understands your pain:

I had the same Trapper Keeper, even though I was more of a Lamborghini guy in my young, idealistic years. And while you got screwed out of being an engineer, I got screwed into it. I was supposed to be a brain surgeon, CEO, ninja or secret agent - depending on what era of my youth you spoke to me in and what movies I had recently seen. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles actually inspired me enough to get a pair of nunchukus. Needless to say, the results for my sister were less than desirable. I still have some work to do on the obscene wealth front - and now that I think about it, I have no idea how I planned to achieve said obscenity in the ninjitsu field. The wife and kids? Uh, I have significant personal issues to resolve before I can be held responsible for the lives of any other human beings. So I guess you can take a little respite in the fact that The Factor is just as off the mark. Although I'm not sure what that says about you.

2:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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11:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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7:20 PM  

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