Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Never better, thanks . . .

The Factor had a great sports oriented weekend --


Why there's nothing good on TV


From the ESPN.com 01/07/2005 Daily Quickie:

"Anna Benson (the "new Finch") leads this year's edition of the annual list. Prescient? Report today says she's in talks to host a VH-1 reality show."


The Factor's take: REALLY? So, you've got Paris Hilton on a hit reality series and now this. Apparently all you need to do to get on TV these days is to be really slutty (or at least threaten to be).


The NFL is SPECTACULAR!!


Kennoy Kennedy actually said this out loud about the Colts receivers, before the game: "They are small guys, anytime they can they jump on the ground. You've got to be physical with them. They don't like it."



Click read more for more . . .


The Factor would like to congratulate Kennoy Kennedy as his Broncos defensive backfield mates on the stellar game they played on Sunday . . . for the Colts. Yes, as expected, no more than a week after insinuating that the Colts' receivers were soft and that they could be handled if played physically, the Broncos secondary let the Colts throw up and down the field to the tune of 457 yards, the second most in NFL playoff history. Included in that performance was 10 catches for 221 yards from Reggie "Party On" Wayne, the third highest in playoff history. It turned out to be the Colts' receivers that out physicalled (I'm aware that's not a real word) the Broncos' secondary, with Marvin "Gardens" Harrison flat out lighting up Champ Bailey with a nasty block at the end of Reggie Wayne's second TD catch and "Party On" Wayne running effortlessly through tackles all day. I think that this proves a point that we already knew - Don' talk smack before the game. Uh, especially when the team you're talking about destroyed you in last year's playoffs. Kennoy Kennedy embarassment aside, my favorite play of the game was "Radio" Raheem Brock just flat out blowing up "Body by" Jake Plummer late in the second quarter for a 9 yard sack. My second favorite would be Dallas Clark's one-handed snag of a tipped Manning pass with Champ Bailey waiting patiently behind him for a pick that never showed up. Colts 90, Broncos 34 and one not so scathing comment.

I nearly lost it when I saw Subway spokesgeek Jared in the NFL postgame introducing his friend the Subway sandwich to the post game crew in a Marcus Pollard's #81 jersey. This is a bad omen. A very bad omen. When a world class blowhard hack like Jared shows up in your team's jersey, you shudder. You start throwing salt over your shoulder and knocking on wood. I mean the guy's only famous because he was too lazy to make his own damn sandwich! The karmic reprecussions of someone that useless publicly flaunting your team's jersey could last for years! Haberman will probably tell you this but I described at least three different ways to end the Jared curse following the show and Gandhi wouldn't approve of any of them. If some horrible fate befalls Pollard in the next few weeks, my vengeance will be swift and stealthy. Like a ninja.

Hey Favre . . . next time just dive for the first down marker, huh?

You just got that feeling at half time. At least The Factor did. We all should have seen it coming, really. A team that was underachiveing was throwing down with a team that overachieved all season. The only real difference between last year's dead last in the league Chargers and this year's Chargers was the improved play of Brees and Wade Phillips' 3-4 defense. They're a relatively young team that was just a year older without much playoff experience. And the Jets - they've been a (should have been) playoff team since Pennington took over. Unfortunately CP's schtick isn't going to go off as well against the 'ol Stillers. Although Chadwick had himself a hell of a game, his tosses hang up there longer than that old purple leisure suit in Haberman's closet. Which is too bad, because Haberman looks killer in a leisure suit. Eventually Penn's going to have to try to hit a 10 yard out and I get the impression that the Steelers are taking that one the other way for six. However, I heard something on SportsCenter yesterday, something like, "The rookie QB has yet to lose a game." There's just something wrong with that sentence. I realize that Bennie Raftluhnadfberger isn't necessarily the key to the Steelers' ball game, but I get the feeling that the Jet's will pull off the upset at the Ketchup Bottle.

Why in the hell do they still play "Who Let the Dogs Out," at football games? Did ANYONE EVER like that song?

You think Holmgren's going to get a Mike Martz voodoo doll? I bet it'll have that special Mike Martz I'm-happy-but-I-don't-really-know-how-to-look-happy-like-a-male face. Seriously, game winning TD, everyone's celebating and all I see on Martz face is, "The star QB just asked me to prom!!" I always wait for him to hug the nerdy chick that wears the same pink sweater everyday.

How is anyone EVER still shocked at something that Randy Moss does? That a sports reporter could still think that Rany Moss isn't going to do something stupid confuses me more than trying to figure out how Bill O'Reilly fit falafel into his phone sex calls. Let your minds run away with that one.


The Factor Sympathy award

One dude I really feel for: Matt Hasselbeck. First he's gotta sit the bench behind RoboQB Brett Favre. Then his dorky little brother (and clearly the inferior QB) nets a pseudo-celebrity hottie. Then, when he finally gets traded to a place where he can start, he ends up with a bunch of wideouts that would apparently rather play DB. In his first playoff game, he displays some of Haberman's hated premature jocularity with his famous, "We want the ball and we're going to score!" action. Of course we all know he did score on that first drive with a TD toss to a Packers corner. You get the impression little bro Timmy didn't say, "I want Colleen and I'm going to score!" before he proposed. Although I'm sure he does plenty of scoring. I hate that guy. Then this year, poor Matt tosses a game tying pass on 4th and 4 to Bobby Engram, who summarily - yeah, like you didn't see this coming - drops the ball. Sure part of Matt's game-ending, pound-the-ground hissy was losing the game, but I think most of it was, "DEAR GOD YOU PLAY RECEIVER, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO CATCH THE FOOTBALL!! WHY MEEEEEEEEEEE?!" At least that's what he was saying on the inside. Seriously, half the DB's in the league have better hands than these guys. I'm thinking they could move rookie safety Michael Boulware and his six picks to flanker and get a solid improvement in the passing game. I think we need to put Hasselbeck on Ricky Williams watch until training camp. Although I'm think Matt's less of a weed guy and more of a Vicodin guy at this point.


Oh those beautiful unis!!

The Cavs yellow throwbacks from Saturdays game against the Knicks are gorgeous. Simply gorgeous. And keep in mind I don't use the word "gorgeous" often when not talking about Kristin Kreuk (yeah I watch the WB, wanna fight about it?). LeBron's facemask, however, is not gorgeous.


Photo from Sideline Apparel


King of the World . . . still

The Illini notched another big win on Saturday at Purdon't. They trailed most of the first half (nearly doubling the time they've spent trailing all season) before ripping off a 23-6 run keyed by three Dee Brown treys to pull ahead. And Haberman wonders why I'm so premature with my jocularity. Uh, not that I'm really premature about anything else, okay ladies? Game note: I wore pants for this one. But don't expect that to happen again.



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