Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Stabbed in the back by a Canadian

The Factor thinks that Mike Vanderjagt is ripe for a shovel to the groin.

1. Mike Vanderjagt is Canadian.
2. Mike Vanderjagt is the only player of the entire Colts offense that didn't play at the top of his game this year.
3. Mike Vanderjagt is a kicker.
4. Mike Vanderjagt botched the game tying field goal against the very team he's knocking in the regular season debut.
5. The Colts have not beat the Patriots in New England in their last 8 tries.

Click read more . . .

The evidence is undeniable. Mike Vanderjagt is an idiot kicker.

Above are four of the many reasons that Mike Vanderjagt should have shut his piehole and kept it that way. But he did not. Vanderjagt, the Colts' eternally liquored up kicker said of the Patriots to an Indianapolis TV station, "I think they're not as good as the beginning of the year and not as good as last year." He also claimed that they were "ripe for the picking." WHY?! Why in the world would the Colts' idiot kicker go out and say something like this with one of the most important games this team has ever played bearing down on them?

Vandy's said some stupid stuff before. He implied that his all-time QB and stand-up coach didn't care about winning enough. I get the feeling that Manning and Dungy spend more time watching film than Vandy spends at spray-on tanning salon. What the hell does Vanderjagt know about winning football games? Don't get me wrong, the guy has hit his share of game winning field goals, but he's never had to analyze a defense or take on a blocker. The Pats are ripe for the picking? How the hell would he know? His job isn't going to be any easier because of injuries to the Pats starting corners, and all he should be concerned with is his job.

Question: Why hasn't Bill Polian worked a shock collar clause into Vandy's contract yet? Seriously, if you don't let the guy off the team grounds, none of this ever happens. Couldn't Ryan Diem "slip" and hit Vandy in the jaw with a nightstick while the two walk down a dark alley? Is that too much to ask?

To make things worse, Pats safety Rodney Harrison shot back calling Mike "Vanderjerk." Between the two of them, they've probably come up with the worst incident of trash talk since Shaq's "Sacramento Queens" act. But dorky word puns aside, the last thing I want to see the Colts go up against is a Pats team with a chip on their shoulder. Fortunately, it was the kicker trying to trade barbs and seeing as how Vandy's dissed his own team more than any other the damage should be minimized. That doesn't make Vandy any less of an idiot.

I was really hoping the only pre-game news would be the Pats signing of feared corner Hank Poteat. Thanks a lot Vandy.


Blogger Harberman said...

A couple quick notes:

Note One) Those of us who have endured long-suffering youths supporting the Vanderbilt Commodores resent the usage of the moniker "Vandy" to describe liquored-up idiot kickers. "Vandy" should refer only to the university represented by those aforementioned Commodores and about 4000 hot, hot girls.

Note Two) On their fifty-three man roster, the Colts now employ three (count 'em--three: Hunter Smith, Martin Gramatica, Mike Vanderjagt) gentlemen whose job descriptions entail "kick the football accurately and far." One of these three gentlemen (Vanderjagt) regularly makes himself a nuisance, occasionally alienates the best player on the planet, and only misses field goals when they really, truly matter. Isn't it possible that the Colts should reevaluate their strategy here? Especially since field goals don't often come into play with their current offensive juggernaut?

Note Three) I think Mike Vanderjagt is the only Canadian I've ever disliked.

12:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

1. Vanderjagt obviously didn't learn anything from the Broncos last week.

2. His cap number hits 2.8 million next year - he gone!

3. You know Peyton, Dungy and Polian will handle this internally; you should expect to hear NOTHING from Colts players the rest of the week.

3. Isn't it interesting to see the insecurities of some Patriots players ... like Vanderjagt may be on to something?


1:51 PM  

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