Friday, April 29, 2005

You wildest dream

Take a second to imagine your wildest dream. Imagine if a woman worth over $500 million dollars asked you to submit your wildest dream to her and that she would choose some and make them come true.

OK, be honest: how many of you (besides H-man) said "I'd like to meet Clay Aiken."

Yet another example of the failure of our public schools.


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Thursday, April 28, 2005

Profiling kiddie porn purveyors

From the LAT:

Gillespie has a team of 10 men and six women who spend hours in front of their
computers, extracting leads, writing warrants and sifting photos for clues. The
payoff is the day they get to kick down a door and take the "bad guy" away. The
mood is light and the humor often off-color to ease the horror.On one wall is a
"Star Trek" poster with investigators' faces substituted for the Starship
Enterprise crew. But even that alludes to a dark fact of their work: All but one
of the offenders they have arrested in the last four years was a hard-core Trekkie.


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Workplace Poetry

An email from a colleague so poorly written it is like modern poetry:

Here is the Tracking #6XXXXXXXXXX5 For Your Payroll Package.
If you need futher Assistant.
Please go online to the Fedex site and type in you Tracking Number.




Thank you

Some of the beauty is lost in blogger. The e-mail had no subject line and was from someone I have never heard of before. So much remains to enjoy, however. The tracking number slapped into the sentence. The way the second half of the first sentence is all capitalized for no conceivable reason. The extra space between "If" and you. "Futher". The way "Assistant" which is, of course, not only the wrong word but the wrong part of speech is capitalized. The dependent clause standing as a sentence. The request to "type in you Tracking Number". The capitalization of "Tracking Number". The three spaces before the close, which is offset about a third of the way across the screen. The way the close is not offset by a comma. The way there is no signature line. All this packed into a mere 29 words.

Genius, sheer genius.


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The most important news event ever!

"Screech" on "Screech"

On April 17, a fuzzy eagle named Screech was "hatched" at RFK Stadium as the Nationals’ new mascot. Now, a different "Screech" has something to say about it.
Join Dustin Diamond, otherwise known as "Screech" from "Saved by the Bell," to chat about the 6-foot-2 eagle.


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Monday, April 25, 2005

Fox Butterfield must be on vacation

Butterfield is famous for his annual report on the state of our prison population in which he constantly repeats what he sees as a paradox: crime rates are falling, but prison population is rising.

In his absense, the NYT has run an AP story with the same paradox today.

While the crime rate has fallen over the last decade, the number of people going
to prison and jail is outpacing the number of inmates released, said an author of the report, Paige M. Harrison.

Cause and effect, people. When the number of bad guys going to jail goes up, crime rates go down. A concept perhaps to simple for the nuanced folks at the NYT


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Hey, H-man

How did the Jew-B-Q go yesterday? We already had plans with my dad or we would have been there (in fact, the lovely wife tried to cancel but couldn't catch him).


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I'm back

After a week out of town with no internet access followed by a week of trying to catch up on my work while also doing H-man's work (while he took a week off), I think I am caught up enough to post again.


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Friday, April 08, 2005

One of these guys is not like the other

Bush keeps low profile at John Paul II's funeral
President Bush, determined not to upstage the funeral of Pope John Paul II, kept an unusually low profile in Rome yesterday, although former President Bill Clinton gave a television interview watched by millions.

Best comment I've seen:

Bush is POTUS; Clinton is just a POS.


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C is for Carrot?

Cookie Monster Advocating Eating Healthy

Because why should kids be able to have anything fun when we could be indoctrinating them instead.


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Mixed messages

TATUM'S SAPPHIC SPREE AT BAR

OCSAR-winning actress Tatum O'Neal went on a liquor-fueled lesbian rampage
Wednesday night at Meatpacking District hot spot Pop Burger.

Wait. You go to the meatpacking district to engage in lesbian activities? I don't get NYC.


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Ruthlessly stolen from The Wall Street Journal

Rapper Corey Miller has changed his stage name from C-Murder to C Miller "because he thinks he's been misunderstood," USA Today reports. "I am not a murderer," Miller says in a statement. He is, however, behind bars, appealing a conviction--for second-degree murder.


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Headline of the Day

"Shuttle Rollout Delayed by Crack"--headline, BBC Web site, April 6


Wow, NASA must be hurting. Apparently they couldn’t find the $10 necessary to buy some crack.


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Crack is whack

Arsonist set fatal inferno for $10

He wanted the $10 to go buy some crack. 5 people died in the fire.


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Britney Spear’s reality show

A brief pause while H-man wipes the drool from his chin……

After months of being dogged by supermarket tabloids and paparazzi, the celebrity couple have sold their homemade video tapes to UPN to serve as the backbone for a reality series to air later this season.

The money quote:

"This is a way for Britney and Kevin to communicate with their fans in a more
direct way."

Their fans. Riiiiggght.


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What does it take to get close to Britney Spears?

Of particular interest to H-man, no doubt:

An ex-maid for Michael Jackson testified yesterday she caught the star showering naked with a cute young boy who grew up to become Britney Spears' choreographer.


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Cute story of the day

Heart & soul: Line monitor can't say no

It is about the guy charged with cutting off the line to view the Pope. He couldn’t do it.


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Spam subject line of the day

effeminate fungicide


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Holy Whitening, Batman

From an e-mail advertisement from Crest toothpaste:

"Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing." - Mother Teresa of Calcutta

Spring Fresh BreathTry the new Crest Whitening with Scope - Citrus Splash
toothpaste.


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The people with whom I work

I am doing a training in Birmingham, AL in a couple of weeks. The office there is responsible for my flight arrangements. The woman with whom I have been speaking asked if I wanted to make my own arrangements. I told her I would rather not have to worry about it. We have been e-mailing information back and forth about twice a week for the last month or so. Every e-mail I send has my complete address on it. With that in mind, here is the e-mail I received today:
forgot to ask---

Saginaw/Bay City, MI - Saginaw (MBS)
Lansing, MI - Lansing (LAN)
Flint, MI - Flint (FNT)
Grand Rapids, MI - Grand Rapids (GRR)
Which of these airports do you use?
My response:
I fly out of Lambert Field in St. Louis, MO
I’m starting to wish I had chosen to make my own arrangements.


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Thursday, April 07, 2005

I applaud his honesty

Man Representing Self Cites Incompetence


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Friday, April 01, 2005

Yulia Tymoshenko

Just because it has been a while:

"My eyes are up here, Mr. President. Now about this proposal..."


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The Amazing Berger

Watch as he makes classified documents disappear. Marvel as he wriggles his way out of it with a minimal fine.

I link to this one as I had several liberal friends who insisted that the fact that this story disappeared from the news last July pretty much proved there was nothing to it. Yeah, or it proved that the press didn't care to continue covering it. You know, one or the other.

Because the NYT will take down the link in a week:
...Mr. Berger took a copy of a lengthy White House "after-action" report that he had commissioned to assess the government's performance in responding to the so-called millennium terrorist threat before New Year's 2000, and [1]he placed the document in his pocket, the associate said. [2]A month later, in another Archives session, he removed four copies of other versions of the report, the associate said...
Mr. Berger admits to compounding the mistake after removing the second set of documents on Oct. 2, 2003, the associate said. In comparing the versions at his office later that day, [3] he realized that several were essentially the same, and he cut three copies into small pieces[???], the associate said. He [4]also admitted to improperly removing handwritten notes he had taken at the Archives, the associate said...
Two days later, staff members at the Archives confronted Mr. Berger, and [5]he now admits to misleading the Archives about what had happened.


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UNbelievable

In an WaPo editorial today, they argue that the recent Food for Oil scandal uncovered nepotism, obstruction of justice, graft, and misappropriated funds. They then argue that because of all this corruption, the UN knows it needs to reform and that is precisely the reason Kofi Annan should stay on.

That's right. The head of the biggest corruption scandal in history should stay on precisely because it will give him a chance to reform the system he corrupted. A novel argument, to say the least.


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