Thursday, May 19, 2005

I win

The best post ever award. I defy someone to find a better headline than this:

Lion Mutilates 42 Midgets in Cambodian Ring-Fight

Selected bits:

Spectators cheered as entire Cambodian Midget Fighting League squared off
against African Lion.

Take away point: There is a Cambodian Midget Fighting League. Seriously. We in the United States have fallen way behind in the field of midget fighting leagues. Something must be done here.
The fight was called in only 12 minutes, after which 28 fighters were declared
dead, while the other 14 suffered severe injuries including broken bones and
lost limbs, rendering them unable to fight back.

Yes, you read that correctly. 28 of them died. The other 14 were all seriously wounded. On a serious note: think of the guts it took to be the 42nd guy to charge the lion with 41 of your comrades sprawled on the ground around the lion.
Sihamoni was quoted before the fight stating that he felt since his fighters
out-numbered the lion 42 to 1, that they “… could out-wit and out-muscle [it].”

Wait for it.....
Unfortunately, he was wrong.

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Spam Subject line of the day

From Playboy:

Tiffany Taylor has something to show you... (nudity)
I love that "(nudity)" bit. Like you’re going to get an e-mail from Playboy with the title “Tiffany Taylor has something to show you” and think, “I wonder what it is. Is she going to help me save money on car insurance?”

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Fake but Accurate, Redux

Newsweek has inverted Marx’s dictum that history repeats the first time as tragedy the second time as farce. When Dan Rather unleashed the blatantly phony National Guard memoes it was pure farce all the way.

Newsweek’s entry in the “Fake, but Accurate” category was a report about American interrogators flushing the Koran down a toilet. Note: not throwing a Koran in a toilet (an allegation made by several former detainees and clung to like a liferaft by The Nation), but flushing it down the toilet.

Putting aside the fact that this story was (by Newsweek’s admission) run with one source (and one non-denial), and putting aside the fact that the one source almost immediately backtracked and claimed he couldn’t be sure he saw that in the report, we are still left with the absolute absurdity of believing that a book could be flushed down a toilet. My fancy low flow toilet has a hard enough time disposing of the water in the bowl. I think back to the wonder toilets of yesteryear and still can’t imagine that they could dispose of a book.

For the editors at Newsweek, however, this was like the Amirault case of the 1990s where charges that a couple running a day care had tied children to trees and raped them, impaled them with swords, and taken them under the house to a magic cave where children were killed. The story was on its face absurd, but that didn’t stop a jury from convicting the Amiraults. Newsweek’s story is also absurd (although more plausible accounts could possibly be true), but fell in line with the belief system of liberal editors (who at first offered a “fake but accurate” defense before retracting the story outright.)

What makes this episode tragedy rather than farce is the fact that fanatics in the middle east used the story as a justification for a killing spree that has left about 20 dead. When Dan Rather gets the boot and his program gets cancelled following his shoddy journalism, a few laughs can be had. But when dozens end up dead, no one can laugh about it.

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How to win friends and influence people

Concerned that Larry Summers was running away with the “most offensive statement of the year award” for his tame remarks about men and women being different, Vincente Fox upped the ante last week by suggesting that Mexican immigrants are:

doing jobs that not even blacks want to do there in the United States.

Then, on Tuesday, President Fox explained that he has been misunderstood. There was no further explanation, which is a shame because I assume what would have followed would have been something like: “I meant to demean Mexicans, not blacks. See: Mexicans are doing work EVEN WORSE than that blacks will do. How people took that as a slight against blacks is inconceivable.”

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CBS to Dan Rather: It’s not you; it’s us

And you know when you hear that…’s you.

I like the way they say it is a ratings thing, not a content thing. So… I guess ratings and content don’t have any connection.

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Congress takes on the Whizzinator

"How will we stop the flow?" he asks plaintively. A small cluster of spectators --
seizing on the unintended double-entendre -- giggle audibly in the back of the

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Brit show doesn’t suck

A pretty big surprise.

On the other hand, that she and hubby are complete trash: not so big a surprise.

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Friday, May 06, 2005

Another thing St. Louis can't win at

Men's Health magazine has posted a list of the happiest and most depressed cities. I was surprised to see St. Louis show up high on the list of most depressed cities.

But not surprised to see that we couldn't manage to top the list. Man, we suck.

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Thursday, May 05, 2005

God Bless Southwest Airlines

From the NYT today:

And here in Pittsburgh, a traditional hub for US Airways, that airline's $730 round-trip airfare to Philadelphia has vanished. Starting Wednesday, Southwest is offering round-trip tickets as low as $58 for flights to Philadelphia, and US Airways has already cut its fares.

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Stupidest sentence of the Week

It comes from one of the stupidest articles of the week: Unexpected Expense.

The gist of the article is that a gay couple is happy that they can now get health insurance benefits for domestic partners, but shocked to find out they have to pay taxes on their benefits. The offending sentence:

Employers often blame the Internal Revenue Service for the tax, but the rules were written into law by Congress.

Wow, so the IRS didn't unilaterally decide to start taxing revenue streams? Who knew?

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"In Miss Who?", an outraged Bill Clinton wanted to know

In Miss., Bush Touts Social Security Plan

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The Laugable Holmes-Cruise Saga Continues

Is Katie allergic to Cruise?

Doesn't the vice versa seem far more likely?

Out shopping in Los Angeles, Tom Cruise's 26-year-old girlfriend was sporting what appeared to be a serious case of stubble rash.

So that's what their calling a terrible case of herpes these days (seriously, look at the picture).

'If it was a stubble rash, no wonder Katie was flaunting it - not every woman can boast about kissing Tom Cruise!'

There's the understatement of the year. Not many women can boast about that.

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Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Talk about your biased headlines. That is just uncalled for.

Dyke condemns Blair's government

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Claims: "It's getting harder and harder to find slinky, flexible interns"

Former President Clinton announces initiative to combat childhood obesity

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Best-Value Burger

Remember the 6 pound burger featured in Hardees new ads? Basically, the ad campaign is: since you'll never get to Denny's Beer Barrel to try their 6 pound burger, Hardees is your next best bet.

Well, Denny has upped the ante. His newest burger is a ludicrous 15 pounds. He brags about this obsenity by saying:

It can feed a family of 10.

Which I'm sure is the point of the whole thing. Yeah you could feed a family of 10, if each of them needed a 1.5 pound burger. But even that is absurdly large.

Why is this the best value burger in America, you may be asking. Well, think about his boast. You really can overfeed a family of 10 with this one $30 burger.

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Meanwhile, the major networks are covering crap like the John Bolton nomination

FINALLY, Nicole Miller has figured out what most men knew a long time ago — most fashion models are too flat and bony for lingerie. So Nicole Miller Lingerie will be launched tonight at Scores West with actual Scores strippers — who spend most of their professional lives in nothing more than a G-string — prancing about in the designer scanties.

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A phrase never before uttered

I think Paris Hilton is smart and I like her style. --Bai Ling

Of course this is coming from the same woman who said:

"I just found out that my part has been completely cut out of the upcoming 'Star Wars' movie. I do not know what happened," Ling said. "I posed for Playboy and it may have been doing that which upset [director] George Lucas. I did not know when 'Star Wars' was going to be released when my manager came to me and said that Playboy wanted me to pose topless."

Didn't know when Star Wars was going to be released? It has been scheduled for a Summer '05 release for over 2 years. Maybe from her perspective, Paris really is smart. Wow.

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Man, I wish I had a friend in Cincinnati

Jim Edmonds hit a three-run homer off closer Danny Graves, and John Mabry added a two-run shot, in a seven-run ninth inning to rally the Cardinals to a 10-9 victory over the Reds on Monday.

What good is a 9th inning comeback from a 9-3 deficit if there is no one to gloat to?

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My Job

Some other time, I'll tell the tale of how my company screwed a small group of employees out of thier bonuses. In short, there were only 4 offices nationwide that were eligible for a bonus based on thier performance. Because the company had a bad year, they withheld the bonus from the only offices who deserved it. So, offices that failed that year saw no penalty while offices that succeeded were punished. For now, accept as given that my company cancelled their bonuses last year. Here is a communication I just got from the HR department about our retirement plan:

Congratulations! As an Associate of (Insert Company Here), you're eligible for a wide array of benefits...
By joining the retirement plan, you'll enjoy the many benefits that (Company) 401K plan offers including:
*Qualifying for an employer contribution that suppliments your own savings-it's like getting a bonus.

Ill thought out or a subtle warning? You make the call.

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Headline of the Day

"High Schools Hope Education Is the Answer"--headline, Press Democrat (Santa Rosa, Calif.), May 1

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